DANGER! HIGHLY IRRITABLE! KEEP OFF!
sigh.
super stress.
i feel like crying.
but theres nothing to cry about.
sigh.
but crying helps relieve stress!!!!
ohwells.
unsolved problems + more problems= stress
not like im the only one.but still....
sometimes i wonder wats the point in trning extra when we are not going to be first.most probably larh.
sigh.
i noe its the process.
but.
of course i enjoy trning.
most of the time.
but the greatest joy isnt it in being first?
but if i train so much and enjoy every training.
the total joy i get from trning should be more than winning first.
oh well.
how philo.
but i guess long term joy is better than short term joy.
but then again.
squash is whats stressing me.
or rather one of the reasons.
im rolling downhill.......plop.
feel like dying.
sighsighsigh.
so much homework but i rather complain about it then solve it...
i want to join odac next year.
i want everything but i never achieve it.
blegh.
I WANT THAT BLUE ADDIDAS SLIPPERS!!!!!!!!!!!
i want a peaceful life too.
at the same time.
i think it feels good to noe what ppl think about you.
im feeling ugly.ewww.
im someone who doesnt take risks and hates changes and have bad adaptations skills.
sigh
yesterday.SUPER STRESS.
i hate being in a rush.
friendly with nanyang was okay.
all super tall lorh.
not fair.
and i think my thighs are short.
and tzelin said im skinny.
SO NOT.
okay.so random.
i won the 3rd,5th and 6th.
oh wells.
wasnt very fun cos it wasnt challenging.
i think the amerpro match with the mgs girl was cool and SUPER FUN AND CHALLENGING!
even though i lost....
but it was the funnest game i ever played.
YAYY!!!!!!!!!!!
hoping to join the watver tournament in march.
NATIONALS ON 20TH MARCH!!!!!!!!
ahhhhhhh!
mr li super funny.
cos the tournament sponsored by a construction company.
he said he prize would be a brick with ur name on it.
anyway.
wats wif construction and squash????????????????
ohwell.
hahahahaha.
so cute.
but i guess it would be cool to cement it onto ur room wall!!!!!!!!!!
haha.
nayangers are super tall unlike shortie rafflesians.
sometimes im really dumb.
and i feel so malu now that i look back and realise that what i said was so embarrassing.
blegh.
somehow.i hope that he would just fall for someone else so i wouldnt have to worry about what to do next.
sigh.
i think sometimes i just dont say no to ppl.
guess im just accomodating....
ohwells.
its the least of probs but still contributing to it.
as eileen said.
i should just state my stand.
but oh well.
i guess im kind of standing on the fence...
and i think i cant bear to do something so mean again...
im sorry to everybody i offended or insulted unconciously.and for hurting your feelings.
sorry for snapping at you last night cos i was just tired and grouchy.
and i noe i was being mean...
i want to sleep.
sigh.
im really tired.
physically and emotionally drained.
i guess i need some emotions mangement course.
i ont think i noe how to handle my life.
and theres no one to help me.
thats why im feeling helpless and at a loss.
i guess somethings just cant be said out loud.
some darkest secrets cant be shared with ur bestest frens cos nobody can be trusted.
i hate living in a world where i have to doubt everybody.
i hate keeping secrets and dark dark probs to myself.
i hate living in a world full of fear.
sometimes i just hate being alive.
i guess probs just make life interesting.
i hate putting on a brave front and being someone im not at all.
i hate acting.
why cant i just be who i am.
why cant i jus be who i want to be.
sigh.
cant i just be weak for once?
sigh.
life's too short for regrets.
i need for sleep desperstaely or i will snap at ppl and make everyone's life miserable.
sometimes i try to put myselves in other ppl's shoes.
but i just cant be sensitive enough.
why cant i just be immature and cry at every lil thing cos im sick of acting brave.
i hate growing up.
it ruined my life.
i guess thats called impermanence.
if only friendship could last.
if only there was at least someone who can be trusted...
life is just bad.
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