rotting away

cant things be just like it was.....
why must things change.

i guess thats just called the impermanence of things.
that i might just die anytime.
that i might just pass my math.
that i might just make everybody hate me.

hmmm.
i guess humans are humans and not immortals cos they suffer.

and why do they suffer?
hmmm.
its cos of the three roots of evils: greed, jealousy, WHAT????(forgot le)

anyway.
i guess
im stressed over tiny things

like whether i might be 10mins late for trning.

or im just being jealous of ___. jealous that she has nicer everything.
nicer hair.
nicer stuff.
nicer grades.
nicer eyes.
nicer nose.
or jealous of my sis that she is a nicer peson.
she gets to go italy
she has nicer clothes
she is more popular at home and at school
that my parents like her more than they like me


and i want this and i want that.
and im always thinking about that nice this, that nice that ....
im being greedy.
greedy for material goods.
for physical appearances





so you might have noticed my wishlist is gone.


i am not going to be greedy and jealous of others.
i shall try
yes i shall.

i shall try to be optimistic and enjoy life while i can.
i might always die suddenly from ....erm.some mysterious virus?
or bird flu?


wow.
how optimistic.

ok.
i should always be happy cos nobody's making life miserable but myself.
i should be happy cos i should be considerate towards others
i should be happy cos theres nothing to be sad about.
i should be happy cos there's a rainbow behing the black cloud.
(how cliched...)
i should be happy im more fortunate than others.
that im alive and healthy





i guess monologuing makes me feel better.
sorts my thoughts.
makes me reflect.
theres so much to live for.



i am smiling at the end of this post cos i am glad i feel happy.
and i am happy cos i am being optimistic!!!!!!!!!
and i shall try to live life to the fullest!!!!!



blegh.
seems so amazing.
now i just see the reality.
the problems staring at me again.
the problems that cant be solved by trying to be optimistic.



i guess the purpose of this post has not been achieved.
cos right now i feel like dying.
cos i am STARING at my science pt.



grrr.







if only we could live as happily as ever.
if only our squad did not have to drift apart.
if only we dint have to grow up.
if only we were forever p6.
if only i could write out my own life.
just like a script.
yes.
just like a script.......




(hah.how drama.and cliched...just for the extra touch!waahaha)