seriously...

my less than half a year old racquet has cracked.
thanks to my violent outbursts of frustration.


ohwell.
if it just breaks halfway during competition, im going to die.
i will.
i will just lose.
and what if im playing he deciding match.
sheesh.

ahhh.
WE MUST BEAT MGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


hmmm.



blogging is getting boring.



and i have not started my sc pt AT ALL.
and everyday i just slack.

nope.
this whole week played squash EVERY SINGLE DAY.


bleh.

tmr going raffles place ealy really early in the mrning.
to do the english/lit thingy.


seriously.
how poetic can one get.
writing in such an uninspirational place....



pissed on friday.
and so much for it supposing to be a good day.
i really really hate you.
but then again
what can i do.
and actually,
putting myself in your,
u dint do anything wrong.
im just reading too deep into things

or is ur biasness just that obvious.
hmph.


and ur stupid fat friend's needs are more impt than mine...


bleh.

but at least for once i dint feel like sleeping during tuition.
guess i was too angry
or
i was just engrossed in smsing...


haha.
ohwells.


sometimes i noe how its like.
but cant u freaking put yourself in my shoes.


i do try u noe.
i try to be who i should be.
who u want me to be.
try to be perfect.
try to make everybody happy.


but i guess i just cant be who u want me to be.
im just not perfect enough for u.


and u are freaking unreasonable.




and now i know what it feels like.
why drug addicts take drugs.
why smokers smoke.
why people commit suicide.
why people go missing.
why people want to make the news.



hmmm.
sometimes i feel like even i disappear.
you wouldnt notice.
u will still be sleeping like a pig
as usual



and u dont understand me at all.
u arnt even sure of what i like.
u arnt sure of what i need
what i want
what i feel
what im going thru



sometimes i wish i could choose my ideal mother



seriously
aside from providing the basic neccessities
u havent exactly aided me in life
barely.

you dont care if i come home late and look tired and angry.
you still dont do anything
yet when she isnt sick and just looks tired.
you go thru all that trouble to boil something for her.



hmph.
and talk about tired.
i come home after more than 12 hrs out.
im tired.
you go out 3 hrs.
tired like a pig.
and u expect me to understand you when u dont even understand me.
you expect me to respect you when u dont deserve any.
you dont set a good example.
you are a hypocrite.
and yet you criticise me.

you think you are giving me my own space.
but in fact you just dont care about me.


i wished i could choose my own mother.


sometimes i hate you.

but sometimes i guess i know how it feels for you to be burdened with such a big problem.




i shall not be melancholic.




whats with everybody.
or rather whats with me.
i shall stop wasting time





and i realised that when im not busy.
i will just think too much.


i will just wallow in self pity.
i will just make the next day worse than ever.





so i shall immerse myself in whatever senseless random stuff.


escaping from reality is nice'
nicer than a holiday.


yayy.
sometimes i just wish that there will be tours to heaven instead of to mars or what ever alienated place
like freakin moon.


bleh.




anyway
went to support coach yesterday


and i hereby conclude that mr lee is super nice'
we shld get him something to thank him
and we were late for trning again



and coach was really cool
though she lost'


she was surprisingly happy.
and hoppity
so cute





and my stupid squash ball burst halfway while i was at csc just now.
so i trained only half hr


oooh.
saturday was maluating
mabel REALLY carryoing her pomspoms.
and three of us getting onto a taxi and then getting out within 1 min.
and the taxi driver was bewildered and pissed.


haha


friday we shall all jiayou!!!!!!!!!!

but my canopy walk is before our match
and its very rush
and i will walk like siao.

so will be too tired to play.
HOW????

but i cant be bothered to swap/
but what if it makes me lose


surprisingly.
im not as nervous as when we had the trials


bleh
thats really bad
someone motivate me!
i have lost all self motivaion.
bleh.


my motal is really cute
she told me retardedly that a vein on her feet was popping out and she was turning into a fish
just like the lizard incident
haha


and i think she shld go watch the matches

why arnt the sec1s enthu?
last thime we so enthu lorh

and its a good experience
and get to cheer lots!

anyway
what am i thinking
see us play can learn what....






i hate life.