perfection

isnt life just an endless search for perfection
to achieve the things you want to bring u a step closer to perfection

we search endlessly for beauty
for good grades

yah,
we all love beauty
we want it
we need it
we live with it.

whether its our physical appearance,
our stuff,
our bags,
our anything
it all has to be the most beautiful

and the search for beauty is whats making all of us suffer.
i bet the reason u are pissed today or yesterday or some day was cos of beauty
whether its cos of jealousy of other ppl's beauty
whether because its cos of greed for it.
it just makes you pissed/sad/irritated/frustrated

yesssss.
it makes sense
and the reason ppl suffer
is brought about by their ownselves.
yes,
i have answered His question.
He wanted to stop ppl's sufferings.
now the root of the problem is identified.
yesss.
all we can do to stop all the sufferings in the world is to stop of our own actions.
but thats impossible.

so theres that
its impossible to live a life with no sufferings.
so i shld stop complaining


but stillllll.
gosh
i have no reason why im hurting ppl.
yes.
i dint mean to at all.
but now that i unintentionally did
i dont know how to stop it.
cos my dignity is in my way.
yah,
im just so frrreaking selfish
my dignity is more impt than ur well being.
to think i am the welfare rep
i started and now i cant stop.
better late than never,
but im just too frreakking arrogant and immature to stop it.
sorry.

anyway!
must let everyone know who puddles is!


ignorance is bliss,
indeed.
i wish i was dull minded.
then i wouldnt know any truths.
then i wouldnt know all that evil.

i want to learn tobe more thick skinned!!!!
cos my life is miserable being thin skinned

and
and
and
and
and


gosh
stop hating lah

i just dont like ppl to cheat me.



do you know how much everyone sacrifices to keep you happy
and what we get in return is unworthy of such a sacrifice.

i wished i was
oh well forget it.


i wished you would just stop doing whatever you are doing
cos i aint gonna stop you even if i want
and you're just gonna get youself hurt

this time.
i wont give in
i wont give in to your pleas.
this time
i must make you give up.
it'll just lessen the hurt to you.

i still cant forget.
what you said to me.
and
i just cant stand it how imperfect i am.
how superficial
how hypocritical.

i know what i shld be.
i know what to do to be perfect.
everyone knows too.
its the part about doing it that is hard.
actions speak louder than words.

im back to square one.
and i hate it.

yessss.
i must learn to be patient
i either learn to accept being in square one
or i change it.

STOP BEING SELFISH YOU FRREAKKING GIRL.
ahhh.
im monologuing again!


and in my search for beauty and perfection
i ruined their lives

im no longer sure who i can trust. no. not even myself.
im really really really really really really really really really really really really really really sorry